Friday, February 19, 2010

I don't think I've been this sick in years.

So very, very sick. If you count Monday, I've had three meals all week. Two of those were on Monday. I ate a few snack foods other days but nothing wants to stay in my body and it's very difficult to swallow. I don't feel hungry though, which is confusing. My mom keeps offering for me to drive down there or for her to come up, but my place is embarrassingly dirty and cluttered with things i'm not ready for someone to push me to get rid of. I also don't feel like I'm in the shape to make a 4.5 hour drive. My alarm woke me up out of a dream that i've had before. It was familiar and safe and comfortable. The feelings from the dream were replaced by an awful feeling. Two things have been stuck on repeat in my brain. Both were incorrect and I let them go because I didn't know how to fix them or if I thought it was important to correct those errors. I feel like since they have stuck around, that it might be worth it to address them. Maybe bounce them off of someone else before taking them anywhere near their source again. If the mistakes are ever addressed again, i guess that would have to go back to their sources to be effective. One was repeated by more than one person and i've spent alot of time considering what that means. It makes me wonder where people are getting their data and where and how i'm providing that data and why I'm not giving the right set of information away. It's actually really upsetting. The other is so upsetting that if I think about it for too much time, I get nauseated. If that seems dramatic, it is. This is a big deal to me. I have too much time to think since i've been sick. Sorta hoping these meds knock me out soon. Getting this sick the same week as other things seems like the universe saying "you're doing it wrong" or "you suck".