I just want to move forward. I want to repair things if they need to
be repaired and just move forward.
It is what it is. And while i think i know now why it hurts, the clean
up is what wakes me up in the middle of the night and the implications
are what leave me feeling defenseless and panicked.
I don't want it to be the first thing I think about or the last thing
I think about. I don't want to think about it at all, actually. But it
was so entrenched in everything that I did (I made it that way) that I
feel like i have to alter every behavior to be able to change.