Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I was cleaning out my old emails today and found the email my boss
sent to everyone letting them know why i was missing a lot of work. I
got angry about it all over again.

While driving earlier, I realized I was feeling pretty paranoid and
sort of nutty in general. Got home to discover the dog had peed on the
bed (again!!!!) and on the couch. I should probably keep the vet
appointment and ask them to test him for a UTI. Bye-bye spending
money, been nice seeing you in the bank account. I couldn't figure out
why I was so tired yesterday (I went to be early and took a nap after
work ... not in that order) but then today I woke up with a sore
throat and runny nose which might be related. I've been feeling a
little nutty (in the scary way) lately and started looking back
through old journal entries and notes and it seems pretty much like a
pattern that this time of year doesn't turn out too well. It reminds
me of that time in high school where the shit hit the fan and
subsequently got messier and messier every day for a month or so.
There was an extended metaphor there but I can't recall it. It was
nasty. I learned that I was too trusting and I started to question if
I knew those people as well as I thought I did. They made our parents
come to the school and that didn't go as planned for them. I saw a
guidance counselor actually pull a teacher into a closet to talk about
me. I seriously considered hiding in the bathroom, but didn't.
Sometimes I look back on that and it seems like it could've been a
turning point and other times it seems like the most ridiculous
situation. It also reminds me about that time 3 years ago where I
missed the super bowl and couldn't write that ad paper because I was
out of it and they hadn't bothered to even try to get everything out
of my system so i was still under the influence and they were making
me walk around and do all the inpatient intake stuff. Eeesh. Maybe I
should take that mental health day i keep threatening to take. At
least i have a kick ass vacation planned. And by planned I mean i have
my plane reservations. I don't do much other planning when i go for a
visit. It's enough just to be in the same city.

More laundry is calling my name. Sometimes this dog really makes me
feel like a mom.

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