I really don't know why the clock is so off when i post.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
1. Washing hands in public
3. Public speaking
4. People knowing i'm not capable
5. People realizing that i am really that messed up
5 Favorites -
1. Season: fall
2. Color: indigo
3. Time of day: very late night/very early morning
4. Icecream: homemade mint choco chip
5. Places: Marketplace in Florence
5 Hobbies -
2. Jewelry Making
4. Making art
5 Not-so-well-known Things -
1. I have grey hair.
2. I think i'm really boring.
3. I was born very early.
4. I'm super insecure.
5. I have big feet.
5 weaknesses -
1. Math, specifically division. I <3 calculators.
2. Self esteem, the whole thing is pretty weak.
3. I have a hard time saying no to a challenge.
4. I speak my mind.
On a side note -- I stepped outside tonight to take the dog out. And while trying not to think too much I heard a Paul Simon song. My instinct was to curse the universe for rubbing it in my face, but i made myself think about it longer and decided that maybe it was the universe's way of telling me that it's alright and that it's okay to really let go.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
So, I've created a new space for myself. With the recent path of things in my life, I need a bit of breathing room for my thoughts. And because I'm failing lately to create that even inside my own head, I've created a somewhat physical space for that here.
"I cannot do everything, but still
I can do something. I will not refuse to do
the something I can do."
I want to give myself permission to be really honest and really truthful about how i feel here. I want to give myself the freedom to be open about everything, even the bad times. I want to make a promise to myself to take time each week to do something just for me. It might be by myself & it might not. And that's okay. I want to be creative in my daily life. I want to find happiness from what i have and not find discontent with the things I don't have.
"Let there be peace in not knowing
all the answers."
I won't promise that things you might read here are all positive or that you might not worry about me from time to time, but it is real and that's a start in the right direction. I am very worried and hesitant as I start to fill this new space. In the past, a journal has been an outlet for the negative, but rarely a record of the positive and, in turn, I hesitated to share it with those who were/are important to me. I feel like that action, among many, has created a disconnect within myself. I am the sum of all my parts, good, bad and in between. I can't move forward with part of me. I cannot cultivate a healthy me without all of me.
"When you finally expose yourself
and let yourself be known,
the sky does not fall.
Instead, things begin to unfold;
Hopefully I can write more tonight. I'd like to write an affirmation, address some basics, and run down this past week. I should start trying to recover some photos from teh internet since my computer crashed and took the photos with it.