Thursday, April 9, 2009

"would i be read if I was see through or would you just read my spine?"

I feel like my eyes have glazed over and my brain has fogged over from
doing the same, mundane thing all day. Even the sugar from the it's-
your-birthday-but-not-really-yet cupcakes hasn't done much for my
alertness. I even paired it with coffee. :( I'm restless at night. And
feeling the heavy, creeping weight of depression sinking in over my
body today. I'm trying to fight it off. I'm reaching out. I'm
breathing. I'm stretching. I'm doodling. I'm writing. I'm starting to
think that people that matter to me think I like it this way. I'm
afraid they think I don't fight, don't try to be different. I gotta
say, it hurts. Lately I find myself thinking about things that
shouldn't be surfacing again, but they are. I'm not sure what to do
with them. I'm very thankful that between the stuff I picked up two
days ago, the stuff I got on Monday, and the other thing I got this
morning, I seem to have managed two horrible girly-part problems
without the doctor. Granted, one night was spent awake, on the toilet
and in the shower, crying and considering going to urgent care, but
they're handled now. IDK if you read this babe, but I thought of a
fairly easy way to make what you were talking about last night happen
and soon too. (vague - check, odd - check, sorry - not so much ....
ha! ... okay i'm really lame.) It's still weird sometimes. That some
certain people are missing on birthdays. 18 - 22 saw so much of the
same crowd. It's time to let go, though, and make new memories! Right?
Don't get me wrong, I love new friends. But it hasn't really been that
long since those older friends were my only friends. So I'm not going
to be too hard on myself for missing them sometimes. Missing the
comfort of routine and familiarity. Blah. Today feels rather ... blah-
esq. I'm so glad I have a four day weekend. I neeeed a break. And I
need to stop bitching here.

I love your body, even if you don't.

No comments: