I smiled today at someone in the hallway out of simple politeness and I realized I was really smiling and that I hadn't felt the feeling of genuinely smiling like that at someone. Yeah, I've smiled but it was different and in that context significantly different. Which, of course meant i promptly started to tear up and made a dash for the bathroom because I'm hormonal and my body's adjusting to meds which is all happening on top of the stress of a job where I feel like I'm failing constantly, ill family members, and an extra dose or two of the normal internal struggles and financial woes.
The first few days of getting back on track taking everything on time and as directed is rough. Your body has to adjust and sometimes things get worse before anything helps. Today I'm very tired, but still finding myself so fidgety that it's physically hard to sit still and mentally very difficult to concentrate on anything for too long. I woke up today with a couple itchy red bumps on my face and didn't think much of it ... assumed they were bug bites or something. But then as the day's gone on they're getting itchier and larger. My scalp is starting to itch too. My instinct is to say it's possibly caused by the medication, but I've been on it before for an extended period of time and never had this problem. It's getting pretty obnoxious. Hopefully some cortisone will help once I get home. Trying to hang on until I get home.
The fight(s) from last week are lingering somewhere within my heart. They resurface occasionally with a pang. They'll fade in time, I'm sure, but ouch. For me, they've resulted in a lot of insecurities and quite a bit of fear.
Today I really feel the need to create, but I'm very limited in that at work and I kinda have other plans tonight and I want those to be open to last as long as needed. So I thought I'd post some former artistic endeavors. More are on my flickr and my photobucket. Some repeat on facebook or myspace. Some just suck.
Sadi looking thoughtful near the lake
Geek Squad shirt mod. I wore it into work one day, that was fun
Part of the sequence you can see in the slideshow
Welcome to suburban Miami
Weird mopey portrait
An accidental play with focus, beautiful though scanned film
Les at the pond, scanned film
Ryan skates at dusk for a contrasty look that i kinda like (scanned film)
Original Design for the tat seen above
Not sure this animated gif is going to work, but i hope so...
I'm hanging up my wings, the halo has been gone for years:
up or down?
Bro merch shot
I have plenty more, but I want to leave it at that for now. Work work work.