4.19?

I'm not dealing with my feelings about anything. I'm eating pretty much every bad for you food. I went back to sleep 3 or 4 times both yesterday and today. Eventhough I went to bed late, that's a ridiculous amount of sleep for me. Between trying not to think about cervical, endometrial, or vaginal cancer and trying not to think too much about what i'm feeling, i'm also trying not to get too angry about the effects of this new bc. It just sucks. And i'm making everything worse. I want icecream and gummibears and hot fudge and i want my boyfriend back. i also would really fucking appreciate it if they would come fix the damn washing machine.
The worst part is that i want this stupid romanticized cleaned up version of him back without the things that i don't like. I'm stupid and weak and pathetic.