Sunday, August 15, 2010

I didn't expect to feel like this.

I've overextended my resources without giving them time to repair and so today I woke with a sinking feeling, a need for a dark, quiet room, and the knowledge that I really could appreciated some anxiety meds. It's a hangover of sorts. I kept shoving the tension, paranoia, and suffocating lack of privacy and personal space that comes in crowds and public further and further down. And now it's multiplied and intertwined with financial stress, body aches, and indigestion. I'm soaking my feet now because i they ache and are tight from silly, cute, new shoes and derby practice starts in a few hours. I definitely need to go get dog food and more epsom salt but i'm afraid of the sunday crowds at the store and i haven't showered yet. I need to get these emotions under control before practice because I'm certain that passing out or throwing up from anxiety will be insanely more embarrassing than passing out from being out of shape.

My legs ache from trying to dance lower to compensate for the nearly one-foot difference in our height. She's the type of personality who radiates energy and infects everyone with a need to talk to her. She asked if it was too forward to hold my hand while we twisted our way through a dark club toward the bar, eventhough we'd been hanging out for hours at this point. She said she was so nervous about what to wear to meet me that her boyfriend took her shopping for a new shirt. Her husband is also a very high match for me on OKC. I met her parents last night in an lame attempt to steal a free moment at the bout.

I've lost my train of thought for writing this post. :(

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