I feel like my life's not my own. I am a sad, empty shell meandering though voids and taking flight into anger and violence. I need too much to ever be satisfied. I need to stop trying to be satisfied. I don't want to feel anything. I'd rather just be void of emotion than continue like this. I am waste.

slip n slide

oh how little it takes to slide so very far

---

Bitch fest in the hallway. Pretty usual, but today ... AAAAAAACKkkkk!!!

SALE!!!!!

I'm having a sale in my Etsy shop: courticus.etsy.com - a little spring cleaning to make room for new inventory! And guess what?!?! You get to benefit. Check out reduced prices on nearly everything. Earring and bowls are especially reduced! I know times are tough, but everyone deserves handmade jewelry and I think these prices make it affordable!

wheee

ebb and flow

"Gift From The Sea"

by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (b.1906)

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides."

Test

Test

I don't know what to do or how to do it.

My twitch has moved from my eyebrow and is now the entire right side
of my face.

I know what i want, but am I just being stubborn?

Meme from Facebook.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Armpits or hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
blue

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes!

4. Do you plan outfits?
rarely

5.How are you feeling RIGHT NOW?
not so hot. actually very cold.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
Part of my business card ... the chair, the folders, the tabs, the
markers, the writing on the calendar, the notepads ...

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
the first, except when people don't get it

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Nightmare is more like it: Oscar got in wreck in front of my office
after he dropped me off early. It was horrifically detailed and
frightening and i woke up sweaty and gross and panicked.

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
No ... well the guy who lived at the house we visited today, but other
than the fact that he plays a reed instrument I didn't really know him

10. What are you craving right now?
anxiety medication and things i'd rather not talk about here, lol

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
my mom's funky salad

13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
about an hour ago

14. Are you emotional?
Nauseatingly so.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
uhhh ... i'll pass, thanks.

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
No, I don't like numbers unless they're odd and not in patterns.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
But it, but i wish i had the self control to make it last longer.

18. Do you like your hair?
Not really right now. It's too light, too short or too long. And
greying :(

19. Do you like yourself?
ha

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
not that i can think of ... which i guess is a resounding no

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
yes

22. What are you listening to right now?
some old school disturbed and stabbing westward

23. How many countries have you visited?
5

24. Are your parents strict?
no

25. Would you go sky diving?
In a heartbeat.

26. Would you go out to eat with George w Bush?
For novelty's sake, yes.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Would we discuss anything? (it would depend)

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Does a glass of water count?

29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Cinderella's

30. Do you rent movies often?
Redbox, yes

31. Who sits in the seat behind you class?
haha ... haven't been to a class in years .... which when i think
about it, is scary

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Yes

33. Do you own a gun?
A water gun.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yes, but i'd like to avoid it.

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Probably Oscar and our animals.

36. Brown or white eggs?
I don't have a preference.

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Yes.

38. Ever been on a train?
Yes. Even slept on one overnight. Or was supposed to sleep, but didn't
really.

39. Like the person you're dating?
Yes, or dating would suck.

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
mhmmm

41. Are you too forgiving?
I'm not sure

42. Do you use chapstick?
Homemade olive oil and honey lip balm

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
I'm not sure

44. Can you use chop sticks?
Yea

45. Ever have cream puffs?
Once or twice

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yep, more than once

47. What was the last question you asked?
What am I supposed to do with that information?

48. What was the last CD you bought?
uhhhhhh? It's been awhile.

49. Boys or girls?
"Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like theyre girls
Who do girls like theyre boys" .... but only if you force me to choose

50. What is your bus number for school?
lol the last one i can remember was 1933

51. Is your hair curly?
occasionally

52. Last time you cried?
Less than 2 hours ago

53. Ever walked into a wall?
Yes

54. Do looks matter?
Sadly, yes.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Unfortunately.

57. Favorite time of the year?
june

58. Favorite color?
indigo

59. Are you sarcastic?
fortunately

60. Do you have any tattoos?
yeah & want more

61. The last person you held hands with?
Oz .... unless you count Odysseus

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Ugh, no.

63. Where was your profile picture taken at?
My desk

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
probably

65. Do you like your life right now?
I hate questions like this.

66. How often do you talk on the phone?
maybe 3 times a day .... working sort of mandates that

67. What is your favorite animal?
mouse maybe

68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
pepsi max, but I almost went back and returned it after hearing the
most absurdly sexist and stupid commercial on the radio

69. Do you have good vision?
No. My astigmatism is the worst part of it though.

70. Can you hula hoop?
Yeah, but it's kinda silly.

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
yea

72. Do you have a job?
yea

73. Can you handle the truth?
yea

74. What are you wearing?
too small jeans and a top that makes me look pregnant (not in a
flattering way)

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
yeah.

Sleep

Sleep has been an elusive, tricky beast around the house this week.
I'm not getting quality sleep. He's barely getting any sleep. It's
catching up with me. It's mixing with the stress of everything else
and it's catching up with me today.